Monday, October 27, 2008

An "Excel"lent Diwali

A snapshot of an MS Excel Database on Nov 8th 11 pm

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Jones Smith -Sysopman -#21345
Adam Fletcher -Sysopemp -#16764
William Ben -CorpVPman -#11256
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5 mins later...

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)($%^*&# #$^^$%^$%^^ !@@$@#$#@4
&^!@()^&&& %$&(()!!@@@@@@@@@ $%^^&^&^&^&
%&(())$#@@!! #$^^&^^%^^^% ^^^%^^&%^^&
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What was the Database for?

It contained access rights of a client company for all employees, ranging from a clerk to the Vice President.

What happens if the Database is messed up like this?

All incoming business transactions get disapproved since approval flow is stopped.

Does that mean the company loses money?

Exactly, a few thousand dollars for every 5 hours of approval flow stoppage.

Oops! Who made this blunder?

The Database Admin of course!

Who was he?

Yours truly.

At 12 pm, when the entire city of Chennai was celebrating the death of Narkasura, a new avatar of Narakasura in the form of my client manager from Ohio was firing my
u-kno-wha.

As all client managers, this one was a bimbo too. All he knew was to login and approve. He did not know the technical aspects of the system. Well neither did I.

Till 3 am, I was trying to comprehend where the DB backup could have been stored. If I find it, I can "roll back" the DB. At 4 am, I realized the manager was pinging me and I had dozed off at my desk. He had sent an email asking me to come again during the day and restore the system. Went home, slept and returned at 11 am to find the DB restored by an Indian in Ohio office. With a few $$$$$ gone down the drain, I was mothered by my Project Lead here. All this happened in Bye-Bye.

Today, my heart goes out to everyone who is working and not enjoying Diwali. The ones I pity the most are the BPO employees. I have worked on a BPO job in Bye-Bye and also in a BPO company before that. 3 of my friends who are working in BPOs share their experiences.

a) Whenever I pinged this guy to say hi, I get this in return:

Hello and Good morning Sir. Thank you for calling Citibank Customer Service. My name is Lenin. How may I help you? :)

b) Muraleedhar Sadhasivam baptized himself as Mark Stephens and carries a non Indian, non American accent when he speaks non English.

c) Jacob's regular customer is a Filipino called Han Phuck (Pronounced Han Fuck). Since it's a rule to address customers with their second names only, Jacob always says "Hello Mr. Fuck how can I help you?"

Working for a BPO is a whole new way of life with untimely shifts, midnight cab drops, a whole account line marofying the only chick on the floor, suttas and tea every half hour. I'm glad I experienced it even though it was for a very short period.

Readers who are working or have worked for BPOs can share their experiences :) Wishing you all a happy and a prosperous Diwali.

7 comments:

Sangavi said...

I could'nt help laughing at the Filipino one :)

Jallu said...

hahahahahah :)

liked the sadhasivam line... workin in a BPO is fun... been there done that...thank god i never had to fake a name or an accent :P

shuunya said...

C'mon, give us a Mallu turned American name? :-)

KanavuSirpi said...

Dei peter machaan,... damage panitiyaeda!!! Still i liked that line!!!! :) btw i don ve a fake name,i use my full name "MURALEEDHARAN SADHASIVAM" with clients and in Calls:)newys nice blog machaan,esp the Filipino...:)

Mohith Rao said...

I remember this one ....when u were secretly pinging abt ur interviews!!

maru said...

the baptized fella...wen drunk speaks to evry1 like he speaks to a client

Low-Man's-Lyrics said...

Han Fuk wasn't the funniest episode i had, tis one happened to one of my trainees -
(He's from some far far away in Andhra. Knowledge of English Swearing ranges from zero to nil.)
Cust : Hey, AT&T sucks big time. I've been put to the Line Maintenance Dept 5 times and the issue stil aint fixed
Trainee: I'm so sorry for the inconvience ma'am(stereotyped tone & phrase) I'll try to fix your issue.
POOR DUDE TROUBLESHOOTS FOR AN HOUR AND FIGURES OUT THAT THERE IS A PROBLEM WITH THE LINE AT TEXAS AND HE HAS TO PUT HER ACROSS TO THE "LINE MAINTENANCE TEAM".
Trainee: I'm extremely sorry ma'am but i have to put you to the Line maintenance Team.:(
Cust: Dude, you dont get it do you? I don not want to be transferred to that F*****G Team! :@
Trainee: I once again apologize ma'am but there is no team like the one u just mentioned, but i would surely put u to the Line Maintenance Team
Cust: AHhhhhhh..Indian Mofos !!! @#$@#%#$%^$%@#$@#%#$%#$%